Last night, on my way home, the song "Wanted" by Hunter Hayes came on the radio. I smiled because it's one of the songs I really like right now. And then I almost choked up, because I realize this song is what I want. I have never felt wanted. Never felt accepted by people other than my close friends. I'm always that "odd duck" that you don't understand if you don't know me. I've never had a boyfriend, never been seriously asked out (random guys in Walmart don't count) and I'm just tired of feeling unwanted and alone and like no one cares. I pray all the time about this, but it's still hard to handle. I get to the point where I'm okay being single and then it's like the singleness reaches up and slaps me in the face. Like a "Haha. You're still alone. And that's never going to change." I want to be patient and wait on God's timing, but it's hard to deal with life when my thoughts and emotions are tied up in knots. Everyone tells me "focus on school," "get done with school before you start a relationship," "it'll happen in God's timing," "just wait on God." And you know what? I am SICK of hearing that. When someone is single, you don't tell them that it'll be okay. That it will work out. That school is what they need to focus on right now. Because you know what?! They know that already. I'm not saying you should lie to them and tell them that they'll meet Mr. or Mrs. Right tomorrow, but seriously! Having someone tell you to be patient and finish this, or wait for that, is like a punch in the stomach every time. It's like slapping a big sign on our faces saying "This person is alone. This person has no one. There is something wrong with this person. No one wants this person."
Okay... Enough venting for now. That felt good. I'm not re-reading that so sorry if there's an error or two... It was some pretty heated typing. Now I need to get back to studying for school. Yay. But at least it's "free of distraction" as my married/dating/happy friends so often remind me. Yeah... There's nothing distracting about constantly thinking about being alone. Back to school.
'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I, I wanna make you feel wanted
