Alone.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop. All alone. I am the only person here that's by myself. There are a few groups of girls that are just hanging out, several couples on dates, a huge group of college age guys/girls towards the back, and me. Sitting on one of the comfy chairs. Alone. Just loving how fair this is. I don't get this! Where do I need to be?! As I type this, I am almost in tears. I feel so alone. So rejected. Where is he God?! Where is the man you have for me? I can't be alone like this! I don't feel like I belong anywhere. My family loves me, but I feel like no one else does. I don't feel like anyone else cares about me. 

Alone.

I feel joy, I feel pain,

but I have never felt more alone than now.

My heart is screaming to be heard, 

but no one cares.

When will someone love me enough to see the real me?

When will I matter?

Pain.

I heard something the other day that has inspired me ~ so I'm writing more on the topic.

It hurts when you do something nice for your parents (like unload the dishwasher, mow the lawn, etc.) and they don't acknowledge your efforts, doesn't it? How would you feel if you gave a friend an expensive gift and they trashed it?

That's what God did for us. He gave us the most amazing gift and we ignore it. We ignore the fact that He gave his Son. All Jesus wants is to be with us, but we couldn't care less. How painful is that? He wants to be with us so much that he gave up his own life for us. We get distracted by life, our friends, the media, the newest fad. He is fighting to get to us. He is trying to get our attention. And all we do is look the other way. We push him aside. 

You don't realize it until you're far away. It hit me the other day how far I've pushed Him. And all the while, He's still wants to be my #1. 

Watch/listen to Everything by Lifehouse. I get chills. 

He gave his life for me. 

He wants to be with ME. 

And how do I treat him? I let myself get distracted by the world. I push him out of my life. I let others step in front of my relationship with the only "guy" I need in my life right now.