Growing up.

• Well... I'm trying to figure out how to tell that guy that I'm not interested. He's a great guy, but those red flags....
  I was raised in a home where keeping your heart for your future spouse is highly encouraged. That, even though we have a lot of things in common, the things we don't are just too different for me. He drinks too much ( I don't mind the occasional beer or something, but when he tells me he's getting drunk at weddings, I'm not cool with that). He's made multiple references to girls he's dated and with us meeting in Branson being my first date ever... It's very likely he hasn't saved himself or at least most of his heart for me. He's not the man I pictured giving my heart to. He told me it was hard for him to not hold my hand that night. 
  
  I feel like I've missed the friendship stage. I'm actually going to get off Match when my subscription expires... As much as I want a boyfriend, someone to take me out for movies/dinner/hanging out, I want a firm relationship with God more. I need to learn to be content where God has me and then the blessings will flow. I'm feeling more and more like that. And that's another thing about this guy. His faith isn't evident. (When I told my mom that that made the list, she smiled at me and said, "You're really growing up." That meant a ton to me.)
• The college group at my church has found women to disciple us and the woman they found for me is awesome! We're reading The Resolution for Women right now.. That book, in addition to how I'm beginning to accept and feeling okay about where God has me in life, has really opened my eyes to how selfish, wasteful with all that God has blessed me with now, lazy, and downright stupid I've been.

First Date.

So... Tomorrow (well actually today if you look at the clock) I'm going on a date. A first date. A (mostly) blind date. This guy and I started talking almost a month ago and we're finally meeting for the first time tomorrow. I'm nervous, anxious, scared, excited, and happy all rolled into one. From what I can tell about this guy, he's wonderful. But the negative/skeptical side of me is also on its toes because I really don't know much about him. We haven't been friends for years, and he's not the friend of a friend, this guy is a total stranger. And that scares me. I know things could go amazingly well and I will want to keep getting to know this guy, but I'm also afraid that *will* happen. Am I ready for this? I've always complained that I've never had a boyfriend. I think I'm finally ready for it to be my turn.

God, I'm giving you tomorrow. I know this might be it, or I could be getting in the way. You have a perfect plan for me and I want to step aside and let that happen. If tomorrow is supposed to be the start of something, I pray that you will give me the ability to relax and be myself. If I'm blocking your will, give me the strength to get through tomorrow gracefully and with the right attitude.
As You wish.