Letting Go.

I'm done. I'm tired of wondering if this guy or that guy likes me. I'm tired of wasting my emotions on guys that don't know I exist. Enough is enough. If a guy is seriously interested in me, he needs to (for lack of a better phrase) take me off the market. If he's not, he needs to not toy with my heart and get my emotions in knots. Guys don't know what some girls read in actions and words. We read a lot into what guys do - be it good or bad. The guy could just be friendly and super nice, but we read into every little detail of the conversation, pulling out the "he likes me!" stuff we see. It's rather tiresome. I know I've done quite a bit of reading into guys. But no more. I'm sure I'll still see things that aren't there, but I'm not going to start planning our wedding, decorating our house, naming our children, etc. (You know... Being a girl.) I'm growing up. I'm letting go of MY plans for my love life and letting God take back control of my story.

Christmas Magic.

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love everything about it. (Except for the crowds, lines, traffic, and the commercialism we tie to the Holidays.) Christmas came way too fast this year. I don't feel like I got to experience the whole Christmas season. It breaks my heart to think of all the Christmas traditions my family didn't do this year, and it hurts even more because they probably won't happen again next year.
I miss the Christmas of my childhood. Not because of Santa and the presents (we never believed in Santa as kids), but because of the magic of Christmas. The magic that covers you with happiness and joy. The magic of lights and ornaments and trees. The magic that tragically disappears with the innocence of being a kid.
Why do we have to lose that? Why can't adults still see the magic that Christmas brings? I can barely see glimmers of it when I see a child excited about Christmas. I can see it in the lights on houses and the decorations that line the shops. But it's just a flicker. Like the flame of a candle that's going out. I remember when that flicker was like the Christmas tree lights in our living room. Turn out the lamp, and the whole room glows. It fills your hearts with warmth, and love, and joy. I can't help but smile, remembering that feeling. Of being so happy that you can't contain it.
I want to feel that magic again.

Emotions.

Found this in a book I'm reading about keeping your emotions pure. It really made me think about God's view in my life.
Hope you enjoy:

God,
My life is in Your hands. You provide for me moment by moment. I ask that You open my eyes to see Your unfailing love for me and allow my stubborn heart to trust You fully. I know that I will not be single a day longer than You want me to be and that I will find rest from this mind game of wondering and waiting. Open doors of ministry for me so that I may serve where You want me to serve. Help me protect my emotions from the pitfall of having intimacy before commitment. All I want or all that could satisfy me is wrapped up in my relationship with You. Allow me to rest in You and fall more in love with you each day.

Amen.