Real.

This past week, my mom has been sick with the flu that's going around in this part of the world, so I talked her into watching "Wives & Daughters" with me (since she LOVES Downton Abbey).
When we got close to the end, the part where Roger is standing outside Molly's house and she rushes to the window to wave good-bye and he walks away; she just sits there. She's somewhat distressed, but still walks back into the parlor and sits down and resumes her needlework. (Yes, she does eventually run after him, but it's not immediate.) My mom turned to me and said that I was in danger of being very much like Molly at this part. She said that I put off an over confident, independent vibe that will push people away (especially deter men from pursuing me).
How do I break down the walls I've put up around my heart? The confidence that masks what's really going on? That underneath that confident, independent exterior, is just a young woman that is afraid to show her true self? I am insecure most of the time, even around close friends, but I hide it by making people laugh or by being sarcastic. How do I let the vulnerable me show? I'm terrified of letting that part out. Of having the real part of me hurt, pushed aside, made fun of, or left alone.  How do I break down the walls and let the real Michelle be free? And let people in.

Okay.

Patience has never been one of my strong suits. I'm a firstborn, independent, "confident" female and I want things done now, and if they can't, I just do them myself. (Which is one reason this whole waiting-for-the-right-guy-to-come-along business is such a problem. "I can fix it myself" doesn't work in this situation. Anyways...) 

How does one become content where God has placed them? I know I will never be content. God has not called me to be single. I need people. I just need to be okay where He has me. Not happy, not sad; not miserable, not wonderful. Just okay. I'm getting to the point where I am honestly okay where God has me. Seriously. (If only I can learn to stay off Facebook and avoid the posts/statuses/pictures of friends getting married/engaged.) God is keeping me from my future husband for a reason. I just need to be patient. Yes, that is easier said than done, but there *is* a reason.