So I've had an interesting past couple weeks. Long story short, I've slowly been growing more comfortable with myself and working hard to not dwell on comparing myself to other girls and putting myself down. You see, lately, I've been comparing myself in the aspect of, "why would a guy like that want a girl like me when he can have a girl like her?"
And as much as I'm tired of people telling me that I need to be happy because I won't bring any baggage into a relationship since I haven't experienced heartbreak, etc. I'm realizing that they don't get it... I've built up a wall so high around my heart because if I "don't care" (and add another layer) when no one "wants" me then it won't hurt as much because no one can get close. My heart is so locked up that it will seriously take some hard work and dedication to break through. And I'm scared that no one will try. I desperately want to reveal my heart but I'm terrified.
I just don't know where a "mature" guy is that knows what he wants in life, knows God, and is ready to settle down. I have a hard enough time not comparing myself to other girls I'm around and now I have to "compete" with them? Wait. What?! These girls know how to act around guys and how to handle themselves around guys. I'm an awkward, clumsy oaf around guys. I say things I shouldn't, do stupid stuff, and sometimes get the look of "is she 5?!"... I know the types of guys that fall for the insane amount of flirting I've seen lately aren't the kind of guy I want, but it makes life even better (sarcasm) when I have to watch stuff like that, because it just fuels the "I'm never going to be good enough" flames.
The other day I decided that I was going to start acting like I AM good enough. I AM just as good as this girl or that girl. I AM worthy of being wanted. I AM NOT ugly or a lost cause. I am me. God created me for a reason. I have a purpose.
Michelle you are on the right path. You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Take your wall down. It'll be worth it.
ReplyDeleteAMEN!! ^^^ Michelle, as someone who doesn't know you very well: I KNOW my "opinion" doesn't matter zilch. (I've seen you MAYBE 3x in my life) You've gotta stop comparing yourself to other girls. I know it's not easy: I compare myself to other guys: EVERY day: (and most of the time, I feel even more of a fail)
ReplyDelete"They that compare themselves, among themselves are not wise" 2 Corinthians 10:12 (Paul Greer Version)
You've gotta concentrate on being the BEST YOU.
I know there's a serious "shortage of Godly Guys" I know that: because I grew up in that area of Missouri: and an over abundance of "Godly Girls"
I wish I knew the answer: I'm not gonna sit here and pretend I do:
But if my 25 years have taught me anything: it's that God is more interested in who you marry than you: and to wait for His Best. (sounds like an ATI/Vision Forum Cop out) But it's True!
Proof case: my now sister in law Rachel: she was 34 when she married my Brother Dan. He was 27. That's just one story: I know: just never give up hope.,
So maybe your guy is in a basement somewhere playing video games. JK