Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my birthday. It should be a happy day, but I'm far from feeling joyful. I had selfishly decided that I would have a boyfriend by tomorrow, but as you can tell, from the venting going on in this post... that didn't happen.

Here's something from one of my favorite books:

Love Unseen ~
 We're all searching for that special love,
 Is love that hard to find?
 Or should we wake the one we know
 So he won't be so blind?
 
 I know I see who you could be
 But your heart won't make the room.
 You're searching for a beginning blossom-- 
 While I'm the flower already in bloom.
 
 I could be someone that you're kissing.
 I have style, beauty, and grace.
 You don't even know what you're missing,
 And I'm right in front of your face.
Never the Bride ~ pg 204-5 

I don't know if I've met the man that God picked just for me, but that poem makes me feel.
I don't know what I feel, but it's there. I am someones better half. God hand picked me. He created me for someone special.

Everything.

This song made me cry. And I was at school when I watched the video.. I was sitting in the library, blinking back tears..

This song/video really makes you think. What distractions are between you and God? It could be anything and everything. Drugs, parties, electronics, friends, fashion, money, and that's just to name a few. For me it's probably books, TV, movies, music, and I make the excuse that I don't have time (because of work and school)..

Watching this really makes me want to shove aside everything and run.

Birthday.

As my birthday approaches, I can't help but notice the feelings of dread and disappointment that are slowly creeping in. Yet another year has flown by. I am happy with my life the way it is, but I'm not ecstatic. I know I should be satisfied with what God is doing in my life, but it's another milestone birthday and I have never even been on a date. I won't date a guy just for the sake of dating, but I would really like to have someone that wants to take me out for coffee or just text me that he hopes my day at school/work will be swell or tell me that he though of me and it made him smile.
I love my family, but I feel like someone is missing. I keep saying that, but it's that feeling you get when you go on a trip. You just know you forgot something, but you can't remember what it was (and you usually don't remember until you need it and can't find it).
I'm going through withdrawal for someone I don't even know. It's hard.

I'm one of those girls that plans out her future. I though I had it all figured out. We would start dating around Thanksgiving, he would propose to me on or around my birthday, and we would get married this October/November.
Well... As you can tell by my previous posts, I have yet to find that special someone.
Yes, God could have just done this to spite me (the positive kind of spite) and show me that He's the boss and has a fantastic plan that has nothing to do with my plans. I keep trying to hand my love story over to the best Author ever, but I'm selfish. I keep pulling the pages back and doodling my ideas on the margins.

Wait.

I am hopeful. Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait.

Why is it so hard for me to grasp this concept? I know God has an AMAZING plan for my life, why is it so hard for me to wait for Him to bring it in His timing?

I keep jumping in and trying to write my love story how I want it to go. I need to just step back and let God take over. Maybe *I'm* the one standing in the way. Maybe it's *me* preventing what I desire most. 

All I need to do is surrender to God. He already knows how my story goes, He's the one that wrote it… it's perfect that way.

Maybe I'm not to that chapter in my life yet. Maybe I keep trying to turn the page before I've finished the last sentence. Maybe I still have a paragraph to go. I don't want to jump ahead and miss some vital piece of the story. God could have already placed the right man in my life and I'm just not ready to know he fits into God's perfect plan. 

I pray for the courage to wait patiently. 

I will move ahead bold and confident. I'll be taking every step in obedience.

Okay God,

I'm turning my love story over to You. I trust You to write in the hero when it's time. Your time. I'm tired of trying to do this on my own. I leave it all up to you.