Like Jane.

So. I'm really on a Pride and Prejudice kick right now. Don't know why…

I've always thought I was just like Elizabeth. Lively, witty, judgmental, not afraid to speak my opinion. 

And in some ways, I guess I still am. But now I'm thinking I'm more like Jane than Lizzy.  I'm not a shy person, unless I'm around new people, or uncomfortable. 

If I'm interested in a guy, I hide my emotions behind a wall. I become closed off and distant. (I come across as indifferent… Like Jane.) Yes, there are times you can see my emotions in my eyes/face… most of the time it's when I'm mad or just peeved. 

When I'm around guy-friends I joke and I'm my usual bubbly self, (probably comes across as flirting) but when I'm around a guy that attracts me, I clam up, close myself off, and probably come across as stuck up. I don't know what to do differently. 

I don't want to go through what Jane went through. Yes, in the end, she gets Mr. Bingley, but not after going through some serious heart-ache. 

I think I'm scared that if I fall in love with a guy, he will change his mind and leave me with a broken heart. I've always dreamed that the first guy I "date" will be the one I marry. I don't want to be one of those girls that dates a new guy every other weekend. I want to give the man I marry my whole heart.